One long night turned out to be so painful for her. It was clear that they weren’t doing well together. That they weren’t happy. She insisted that they would be happy if he would just give them a chance. But, he refused to allow her in his heart.
This night in particular though, he had asked her for a break. He said that he needed time to clear his head and she felt so stupid because she didn’t realize what he was up to. She went back to their home and cried. It would be one of the many nights she cried herself to sleep.
It had to be halfway through the night that she was woken by a knock at the door. When she answered it, she discovered another woman standing in front of her. She was just beautiful. She had seen this woman before. He had told her that she was his cousin. She figured that was a lie. She tried to be a woman about the situation and she sat down to talk to this young girl, much younger than her and discovered that they had been seeing each other. We will call this other woman Nadine.
She and Nadine decided that they should confront him about this situation. That’s when they decided to go hunt him down to where she dropped him off the night before. She and Nadine went banging on the door of his friend’s house and there was no answer. So, Nadine dropped her back off.
She texted his phone asking where he was. Explaining everything that had happened and to her surprise, she received a reply. From another girl, that he was with. The girl said that he didn’t want her anymore, that he was now with him.
Have you ever heard a heart break? I’m so sure you could hear hers. She was broken because she gave up so much to be with him. She got a phone call the next morning and it was him telling her to come get him. He supposedly had no knowledge of the text from the night before.
It wasn’t about the text, it was the fact that she could tell he cared about Nadine. The way he talked to her on the phone. The way he got mad at her for threatening to date someone else. The way he kept her in his life.
I remember the first time he broke her. The first time she found out that he wasn’t this prince charming. It wasn’t when she was laying there crying and waiting for him to come home, night after night. No… it was much more than that.
Their life hadn’t even begun yet before he was out there playing games. She had never had anyone in her life like him. Someone so bold and daring. Someone who said what he meant and meant what he said. Someone that lied the way he did. His lies just had a way of making you feel a little better, kind of like a band-aid. She didn’t see the real him until it was too late and by then she was blinded.
There were times that she would sit on the couch looking out the window and wait for him to walk through that door. There were instances she would steadily sit up and watch her phone waiting for him to message her that he loved her. But, he didn’t. Because as soon as he had her, he didn’t want her anymore. But, he didn’t want anyone else to have her either. He was greedy.
Yet, she stayed. Why? Because she didn’t know her worth. She didn’t think that there would be anyone else out there that wanted her the way he made it seem like he wanted her. She didn’t want to start over with someone new. She didn’t want to be alone. No matter how much he made her cry, this unhappiness had to be better than the unhappiness she would have when she was alone. Yet, she wouldn’t have been alone at all.
This was just the beginning of her life as a woman who didn’t know her worth. This was the beginning of many years feeling confused about what love really was. This was the beginning of the crack in her heart that led to it being shattered. Yet, she stayed because she didn’t know her worth.
Once upon a time, I knew this woman that would do just about anything for the man she loved. Even when she was the unhappiest person alive she would fall at his feet making sure that he got everything he wanted. She treated him like he was a king. As a king, he did what he wanted. He stomped on her heart and broke it to pieces.
In the beginning, it was much more of a game than an actual romance. She said a few dirty words to him and he would call her baby. He would spend time with her and court her around. Little did this woman know that he was courting other women around as well, calling them baby too. She was nothing special at all. Soon she would learn just how unspecial to him she was.
This woman didn’t realize just how much he didn’t love her. At first, she thought she had changed him into everything she had wanted. She actually had. He had started spending so much time with her that he forgot he even had friends. Once he realized this, he pushed her away, threw her in the dark, and hid her from all the world to see. She being a good woman went into hiding and stayed there blindly hoping he would one day show the world that she was his everything.
The love was lost from the beginning. He would leave her shacked up in his home while he ran the streets, night after night and this was just the beginning. He brought her home with him and yet he tried to hide her from the world. She felt like she was not worthy of him. That she deserved it. She would sit worrying and in misery night after night waiting for him to change.
She was miserable. But, she didn’t realize it during that time and it not only affected her but it affected those around her. It changed her. It made her numb.
I want to first thank everyone who’s gotten the courage to read my blog! Thank you very much. I want to share my feelings with the world. I have so many feelings built up and the problem with social media or friends now days is that you can’t tell people your secrets because they go and tell the world them.
Obviously, my identity will remain a secret to protect those that may be in my story. As well as to protect me from the cruel world. What I can tell you is that I am a very loyal person and I tend to wear my heart out on my sleeve. I learned a long time ago that not everyone is your friend.
So it begins!
I want girls and women alike to be able to sit down and relate to the feelings I put into my blog. I want you to know that we are supposed to build each other up and that you are not alone. Feel free to comment on my posts and let me know your story.